“When You Can’t Go Home” (2nd week of February 2022)
We must remember when praying to God that He is not an ATM; we can’t just, ‘take,’ as in pray with our demands, rather we must make a ‘deposit,’ first. I always start a prayer with thanking God before I make any requests known to Him. Today, my prayer life felt as if my debit card pin would not work when I entered it. It read, ‘error, instead of, “Hello, God.” I couldn’t tap in, communicate or even initiate the conversation with the man upstairs. But why?
For almost two weeks straight I have seen the inside walls of a hospital as a patient and now I am too unwell and too physically unable to go home. I must accept that I am going to an inpatient rehabilitation hospital due to being a high fall risk and unable to walk or care for myself on my own due to my mobility limitations. How did I get like this in less than a week’s time?
I wish I had an answer or a reason. One thing about me is that I love the knowing of, ‘why,’ to pretty much everything except when the ‘why,’ is an answer you to do not want to hear in this case or cope with. After a tough phone call I received, I suddenly had many tears fill my eyes instead of fear settling in. I got sweaty and panic like at the warp speed of how it all seemed to me. I was told that I would be an hour away from home for a length of time that was yet to be determined. I felt broken and so very vulnerable. I utilized the hospital’s spiritual services and talked it out right away with the Chaplain, who by the way was an angel in disguise to me. He listened and before we finished talking managed to make this completely shattered woman feel whole again for a few minutes and smile.
At the moment I am writing this entry, I am still awaiting to see the neurosurgeon to find out if surgery will be necessary to treat my condition and improve my quality of life. I will let you know the outcome.
Stay tuned for Part 3, the last entry from my Covid Chronicle.
*These (Covid Chronicle) blog entries are out of my notes taken while at home, in the hospital and during my rehabilitation stay that I took down on paper at the time in my journal. The entries may read different from my usual blog entries.